Conference Call

Let's talk about sleeping, shall we?

Yesterday I spent the entire day exhausted. Just completely worn out. When I was talking to a friend at work I think I yawned more than I spoke. I came home from work, watched a little tv and was ready for bed before 8! We stayed up a little longer watching a movie but probably fell asleep by nine.

Do you want to know what time I woke up? 3:49 am. What the hell? I was so tired and could not go back to sleep. When I did go back to sleep it was back and forth awake/asleep until the alarm went off at 5. At which time I promptly felt exhausted enough to fall back alseep for hours, only I had to get my butt up and go to work.

This is so not normal for me. I am a good sleeper. Not the up in the night worrying/going to the bathroom/whatever type of person. This is the third night this week that sleep has been more frustrating than peaceful. The pregnancy books/websites go on and on about how tired I will be, but they fail to mention that I'd actually have such a hard time sleeping. Oh, and they helpfully suggest curling up on the couch in the office for a bit of a nap. I don't know how many people's offices come equipped with comfy curling up couches, but mine does not. The two little guest-type chairs in my office are not going to cut it. The only choices are napping in my desk chair (um, no) or napping on the floor. I am not ashamed to admit I napped on the floor during lunch yesterday. Thank God I am not in a cubicle.

There is a person that works here who routinely shuts her office door and puts up a sign that says "Conference Call. Do Not Enter." Now, we are pretty sure she does not have a conference call EVERY morning right when she arrives until about 7:30. She is surely in there taking a nap. It only makes sense. I actually find this kind of annoying, but I sure could use a "Conference Call" for a couple of hours this morning.

We're Having a Baby

This has been a busy little week. I was on vacation from work all of last week, so coming back has been kind of stressful. I mean, who wants to be back at work after being a blissful week of not being there? I am so out of it. People ask me questions and I'm just staring like "what are these numbers you speak of?"

And I'm tired. So tired. Ah? Why so tired after a nice, relaxing vacation? Well, that's simple enough. I found out Tuesday that I am pregnant! We'd started trying pretty recently. So, that happened pretty fast. I can't believe how lucky it was, because I know how many people try for so, so long.

It's exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time. My first doctor's appointment is next Friday, so I'm hoping I'll feel more at ease about everything at that point. It still hasn't sunk in completely really. I'll just be sitting here like "wow. . . we're going to be parents."

So, my boobs are bigger. And they were already annoyingly big. And I'm vaguely nauseous. It comes and goes. We just had birthday cake at work and something with that made me sick. So sad, right? Because birthday cake is awesome. I'm only about four weeks at this point and am so happy! We have our first ultrasound on Christmas Eve (who knew the dr. is open on Christmas Eve??) and we aren't telling anyone before then. I am not the best at keeping big news under wraps--how many days till Christmas?

INFJ

On a whim I took a personality test online. The results are in and I am an "INFJ" (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging). Well, always good to have a label.

Okay, taking the test wasn't a total whim. Messing with Texas wrote about it first. What intrigued me about the test was a paragraph about her personality that struck me. I mean, I think I have spent a lot of time trying to put into words how I am. This paragraph was IT, I mean, this is how I am!

"INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. "

So, I took to the test. It came as no suprise to me that I came out INFJ. Only about 1% of the population has this personality? Well then, this explains so much.

I'm not sure why this prompted me to start a blog. But, it did. I do reserve so much of what I think. Sometimes I get the distinct feeling that people misinterpret me. Just because I am quiet does not mean there is nothing going on. My mind is constantly churning, but I have a lot of self-censorship. My mind is always analyzing something, figuring things out. To a fault even sometimes. There are people, my husband for example, who talk at length about everything under the sun. I reserve my words for what I think is important. When no one listens I become frustrated because I feel like what I am saying is worth hearing. The only exception to reserved thoughts is when I'm angry with someone. That censorship is let down and things can sometimes fly out of my mouth and I immediately want to take it back.

Something else about myself--and this truly bothers me--is that when I am uncomfortable with someone my words come out mumbled and filled with "ums" and pauses. In school I could always get up and give a prepared speech, no stage fright it was fine. But, even now, as an adult I still can't just talk to someone, one-on-one when I don't feel comfortable, without the stumbles. I worry that this makes me appear unintelligent, why does she stumble? I know that I am intelligent and interesting, but that uncomfortable feeling overwhelmes me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some completely shy wallflower. I am social and love to talk, once I get to know you. Once I feel comfortable with you. And lots of times I feel comfortable with people right away, other times not really.

So, I started a blog. To get out some of thoughts that I keep in, for whatever reason. Because like maybe Messing With Texas's blog is right, blogging could be the perfect outlet for an INFJ.