He's Here!

It's a Boy!

8 lb. 1 oz, 20 3/4 inches long.

Labor lasted twelve hours (an hour of which was pushing him out). There are more details, obviously, but I'll have to get to those later.

Moving Right Along

After the longest wait EVER at my doctor's office yesterday afternoon (seriously), the doctor came in, checked me out and said I was still only 1.5 cm. Then he asked how ready we were to get the baby out.

Hmm. . . 101 degrees in Texas right now. Yeah, let's go ahead and do it. We are inducing TODAY (Tuesday) at 7 am. That would be 3 and a half hours from right now. I am so excited to meet my son tomorrow, but I am also really nervous. Think good thoughts and pray for us, okay? I cannot believe it. There is going to be a BABY here. I can't sleep at all. But, I've got a couple of more hours to try. . .

Twitter is not working for me, so I can't update that way--but whenever we get home from the hospital and I get time I'll be sure to let you all know the details.

Watching the Clock

TODAY'S THE DAY!

Okay, no. Today's not THE day. It's The Day we find out THE DAY. Hopefully. I still think maybe he just "said" we'll induce this week and maybe we won't actually. I wish my appointment had been in the morning instead of 3 pm. . . talk about a long day.

In case anyone was wondering why the talk of inducing came up, it surprised me really. . . I tested positive for Group B Strep and you have to get that medicine started four hours before the baby is delivered. I am thinking this issue played a role. I know I was certainly concerned that I would deliver before enough time had gone by to protect the baby from the Group B Strep. Thinking they'll induce has certainly put my mind more at ease about that.

My mom told me a few days ago she delivered my sister in six hours and me in TWO. So. . . could a fast delivery be genetic? I have no idea. I am just so excited about today's doctor visit. . . !

Why Can't I Just Run Away?

So much for saying I felt better earlier today. I took Tylenol and Tums at lunch and all those physical ailments went away. But now I'm emotional again. Why? Well, let's break it down:

1. One of the partners came in to my office. I feel like he was checking out what I was doing because he suspects I'm not working. So he asks how it's going and I tell him that flat truth: I'm trying to get the loose ends tied up because Monday will probably be my last day before leave and that's only a half day. I said I didn't want to leave anything sitting on my desk so in a week or so someone will be looking for it or wondering what happened to it.

That wasn't good enough. He said "so, what are you working on?" (because apparently I didn't already answer the question). There were three client folders sitting on my desk. 1. I had the papers out in front of me because I was currently working on it. 2. Sitting RIGHT in front of where said partner was standing with a big post it on the front from another partner saying that I needed to wait on something from her before moving forward with it. 3. A third folder with the papers still tucked inside because I obviously can't do two clients at the same time. But it was also out beside my inbox so I could work on it next.

I don't know exactly what his point in coming in was. And maybe it wasn't meant to come across like I'm not working--I don't know. I should have thrown in the other two clients I finished working on this morning and had already taken out of my office.

2. Facebook. Now, I'm going to type this all out for you and you are going to think "this is really stupid" and it is. I realize that it is stupid. But whatever.

My husband is on Facebook too. And whenever he updates something on his profile it comes across on that stupid feed thing. So if he updates his picture it informs me just like ANYONE else who he is friends with. But if I happen to mention anything he did on there he says I'm "keeping tabs" on him. Um, no, Facebook is keeping "tabs" on you. Good Lord.

So yesterday after the big arguement of Tuesday night I realize (through looking at my OWN profile) that he had changed the connection that we are marrried. My profile still said "married" but no longer to whom I am married. I have no idea what HIS said because since the connection was deleted I couldn't see his. So I called him to inquire about that. He's all "aha! I knew you keep tabs on me" without realizing how stupid he's being because clearly I saw it by keeping tabs on no one but MYSELF. But, whatever he puts it back that we are married. Interestingly, he was STILL not listed as a "friend" so I can't see his profile. Which, at that point I was like screw it, I don't care.

Which brings us up to the current time. I looked at Facebook again just now and again it says I am married but NOT to him. What the hell? To say that I'm annoyed is an understatement. I'm ready to just delete my whole profile on Facebook.

3. My husband has started helping out with the youth group at church, which is good. But, they asked him to go to a waterpark for a lock-in as a chaperone on Friday. Leaving at 5 pm-back at 9 this next morning. Fine. Except for, you know, wife pregnant and only a week and half from the due date. And the park is three freaking hours away. But, the doctor said three hours would be plenty of time for him to get back if i went into labor.

So, fine, whatever, go. I mean, he could say "no, I'd want to be there if she went into labor so she wouldn't have to go through 3-4 hours alone." Even with that though, let me ask you this: who keeps their cell phone ON their person at a WATER PARK? So, if I hypothetically went into labor on Friday, say at midnight, and he decides to check his phone every few hours. . . he may not see it until 3 am, then has to find someone to drive him back (because he's a chaperone but not a driving one), then has the three hour drive. Sure labor might last 12 hours. And labor might last 4 hours. He doesn't know. I tried to explain this to him, but he's just like "tell me whether or not to go" well, no. I won't do that. Not my job. I'm not his mother. If he misses the birth of his son, his freaking loss. He can explain "well son, I wasn't there because I needed to chaperone some kids at a lock in." Why put it on me? If I say "go" and I go into labor and he misses it I would feel bad. If I say "don't go" and I don't go into labor (which is likely what will happen anyway) I will feel bad. So, sorry, be a big boy and make the decision yourself. ALL I was doing by bringing it up was asking if there was some way to keep his phone on him while he's there, because DUH! If you're at a water park you aren't going to have your phone on you because it will get wet.

4. Now, after all that has occurred I don't want to work. I want to close my office door and cry. But, oh wait, that would probably make the partner come back to see what I'm doing. And he and his wife don't have any kids so how can I make him understand being pregnant and emotional and tired?

Sigh.

Mentally, emotionally, whatever, I am in a much better mood today. Thank goodness.

Physically we could use some work. I felt FINE this morning. In the past two hours though several things have gone awry: my back hurts, my throat hurts, my head aches, my heart burns.

Why? What is the cause of this?

ALSO: WHAT HAPPENED TO TWITTER? Is anyone else experiencing a problem? I logged in and it says I have no followers and am following no one. The only updates I see are my own.

Words Unspoken

Isn't it great, this blogging stuff? We can choose which parts of our lives to share and which parts to sweep under the rug. The parts that we wish had never happened can appear to have really never happened. And even if we chose to share that part one day, on a brighter day when things seem better we can just go back and delete that post. Because we can second guess ourselves and realize that opening up that much was maybe a mistake. Emotions aside, now we feel like we put to much out there--so the delete button magically fixes it all. Someone might recall something happened, but too bad. It's gone. Maybe they just imagined it.

My everyday, real life has been a roller coaster this year. And I shared some of that. Then when I thought things were better, I came back in here and deleted those posts. And all of the comments that helped me feel a little better, a little less alone. Because those posts put a lot of vulnerability out there. Everyone could see just a little too much of me. But those problems, the ones that put me in what was the darkest place I've ever been, didn't disappear when I deleted the posts. The emotions are still there, regardless of how far I tried to bury them and pretend like it no longer bothered me.

So, some days, they all come back. I still wonder how someone could have hurt me that much. If it were someone else I would have sat back and thought she should have never let someone back in after that. It was too bad, it hurt too much. And who's to say it would never happen again? Why would I want to put myself back in the situation where one morning someone could say "I don't love you anymore" all over again? On those days I feel really down. I feel alone because I don't talk about it. With anyone. Ever. Some times I'll get in the car and drive around and cry out all the tears. Then I'll make sure to wipe them all away and walk in the door smiling.

Most days aren't like this. Most days I can look back at what happened and see it as a mistake. We messed up. We weren't communicating. We can be better people.

Yesterday, though, was one of the bad days. And I didn't handle it the way I usually do. I got mad. And I told him there were things that I was unhappy with. Not that I'm unhappy with our marriage. Just certain things. But I didn't know what to do to fix the problem. And somehow that was the wrong answer. And of all the sudden it wasn't just my emotions that plunged back into that dark place. I was back there. The arguing and the tone of voice. The look on the face. It was so much the same, like nothing had really changed. I sat there being hurt all over again. The words were different, but the dark, misunderstood feelings were exactly the same.

And all I could think was how much easier it would have been to have just kept it to myself. If I could just go back and hit "delete". Oops, I didn't mean to bring this up today, let's forget I said anything. Tomorrow I wouldn't be in this place anymore and everything would be fine. Of course real life isn't blogging. I put it out there, my emotions and vulnerability. And now I feel a little trampled, it wasn't worth it.

So I'm telling you. After a couple of months of hiding the really dark days, I'm letting you know--today I just need to get it out there.

T-Minus One Week(ish). Really?

Sunday night I had really bad back pain. It was constant though, not coming and going so I assumed it was not contractions.

I called the on-call number anyway, to be sure. They said to put ice on it, take tylenol, go to bed, and call the doctor in the morning. After that I was awake until about five in the morning when my back stopped hurting enough to fall asleep.

When I called the doctor's office they went ahead and moved my Wednesday appointment up to Monday. I went in and was checked. 1.5 cm dialated this time. But he determined that the back pain was most likely the baby moving down because he is really, really low now.

At the end of the appointment the doctor said my next appointment will be Monday and we'll pick a day to induce, so we're looking at the end of July for delivery.

Get that? End of July. As in Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday of next week.

I'm excited, but also kind of in denial. My brain keeps thinking "maybe that was hypothetical. . . or maybe he meant MAYBE we'll pick a day to induce." I am, in fact, in such denial that I still haven't gone in to discuss with HR that maybe I should make THIS Thursday my last day instead of next Thursday because, holy cow, the baby could already be two days old by then.

I am

One centimeter dialated.

Still wondering why time is crawling by so slowly at work this week.

Excited to see the new Batman movie tomorrow.

Relieved that the car seat is installed and the hospital bag is packed, finally.

Going to make myself clean the apartment this weekend.

Not so worried about not being able to recognize contractions anymore.

Tired because Braxton Hicks woke me several times during the night last night.

Short Attention Span, Anyone?

Still at work

Let's see we now have a mere hour left in the workday. I'd like to tell you that things sped up right after my last post and that before I knew what to do it was nearly time to go home.

Nope. But whatever we are now down to one hour. Finally.

Not Yet

Last night my stomach felt unwell. I don't know what the problem was, but it was just icky feeling. So my husband suddenly starts asking all these questions. . . turns out he had found a list of labor signs on the internet. Ah, optimist that he is. No, it was just a stomachache.

Are these last three weeks going to go by slowly? Like unimagineably slowly? Because if yesterday and today are any indication things are not looking good.

Jon & Kate + 8.

Anyone watch? Did you have any idea the controversy of this family on the internet? I kind of liked the show and today I'm looking at stuff on the internet (okay, a blog) and man was it harsh.

Epic Battle: cook dinner v. order pizza v. frozen pizza

Cook Dinner: This would require a trip to the store. I want to make buffalo chicken wraps, they sound SO good. But, like I said before a trip to the store. And it's hot.

Order Pizza: No trip to the store, but then we have to wait on the delivery guy. Sometimes quick, sometimes slow. Plus you know, more costly than option 3.

Frozen Pizza: Not as tasty as the delivery. Quicker though. Cheaper. No trip to the store, this bad boy has been in freezer for weeks.

Blah. Why can't the grocery store just deliver some chicken breasts and tortillas for me? OR if I could just go to the store right now. . . the "oh it's so hot" would even out with the "yay! out of work early" and all would be right with the world.

Last night I tripped over a box on the way back from the third trip from the bathroom.

Question is. . . why the 3rd trip? I obviously missed it on trips 1 & 2.

Heartburn.

I wanted to work something about Kelso and "Ooooohh. . . . BURRRRRRNNNNNN" into that, but it didn't work out. Anyway, I am now the victim of near constant heartburn. Do I ever remember to put the tums in my purse? No. They are beside the bed at all times. Which is handy when I wake up Every Single Night in need of them, but less so for the other 16 hours a day.

I really think I'll go into labor in the middle of the night.

That's the luck I have. Really, most days I'm thinking "yeah any time now would be fine." Except at night. When I get up in the middle of the night I always think "man, I hope it's not tonight because I am so freaking tired."

Bets We've Made

Day v. Night (going into labor): Emily-night, Husband-Day
July v. August(born in): Emily-July, Husband-August
Over/Under 20 inches (length--of baby): Emily-over, Husband-under

And I'm Out

Man, I thought I could stretch this post out some more, but it's all I've got. And we've still got 43 minutes.

Phoning It In

I feel like I need someone to standing over my shoulder to make me focus on work today. Because I am not doing so good on my own.

Yesterday I volunteered to work on this stuff. This morning I am looking at it thinking "Emily, keep your mouth shut!" I hate days when I can't determine whether the work is actually confusing or if I am just too tired to figure it out.

On the upside, I only have 11 more working days left before maternity leave. Three more for this week (counting today). Come on Friday. Tomorrow I go to the doctor, which I am glad about. I want to know what is going on--if anything is going on.

Lookit. I am too tired to even continue this entry. And I'm less than an hour and a half into this workday. Send energy.

Blackouts?

Well, Twitter is up and running. emily1122. (11/22 is my birthday, by the way. I don't have some sort of love for the 1s and 2s.)

Um, apparently I already set Twitter up at some point? So, yeah. There you go. Already had it. I have absolutely no memory of setting it up.

Updates

*This weekend I shopped! I bought everything else (hopefully) that we needed for the baby's arrival. Including stuff to pack in the hospital bag. Currently the stuff for the hospital bag is laying in a pile. Which, if you think about it, is kind of a success. Now all I have to do is put it into the bag!

*Also included in stuff bought this weekend: stuff for breastfeeding. I am increasingly nervous about this endeavor. But, I'm feeling better having bought the materials. But geez, breast pumps are expensive!

*In the Motherhood store this weekend two women were in line in front of me. One had a tubal five years ago and ended up pregnant with her sixth child. The next lady in line was pregnant after her husband's vasectomy.

*Everything that I can eat sounds gross. If it is currently in my refrigerator/freezer/pantry, forget it. I don't want it. If it's available at the fast food places, no thanks. People ask me to pick the restaurant and I really Do Not Care. Nothing sounds good. I'm eating because I have to. The only thing that sounds good is a turkey sandwich. A cold, not allowed, turkey sandwich.

*I have not forgotten about my Pay It Forward. Two things: 1. I bought the prize. It is not what I thought I'd buy, but it's cute all the same. 2. I wanted to do the Flat Rate box thing and fill all the empty spaces with random stuff. . . well, I got a case of Tessie's trademark Nervous Tummy at the Post Office. The guy at the counter asked what I needed and I said a flat rate box. He asked what I was mailing. He was just trying to be helpful, I know, but it flustered me. How do I explain the Pay It Forward extravaganza? Anyway, regardless, I didn't know what the prize was yet!! I was going to buy the box and go from there. So I guessed. I said a Book. He suggested that it would be cheaper some other way. Ugh. I left with nothing. So, now I have the prize (not a book) and no flat rate box to fill with fun stuff. I just didn't know how to explain "I need a box to mail something, but I don't know what I'm mailing."

*Not for the faint of heart (or weak of stomach, I guess): I am worried about the issue of post partum constipation. I do not know why or how, but it seems I have heard an over-abundance of stories involving going to the bathroom post baby. You think I'm kidding? This morning I found a list of high fiber foods and proceeded to copy down the most appealing ones to go buy.

*Tomorrow I will be 37 weeks. Full-term, so the internet tells me. I'm pretty much at the point of "alright, he's full term so let him feel free to show up any minute now." You know, until I realize we still don't have the dang car seat installed.

*Last night I stayed up too late watching funny game show moments on You Tube with my husband. (Tip: Want to laugh? Type "Family Feud September" in the You Tube search box, it is pretty hilarious) Anyway, then I woke up even more times than usual to pee. Not only am I tired today, but totally unmotivated to do anything work related. I would like to continue making lists of things to do and high fiber groceries.

*WHY do I feel like I just missed the Twitter boat? Everybody got into it, what, last week? And yet my mind keeps saying "ah, you should've joined up last week. Too late now. TOO LATE NOW."

Temperature Rising

You know how I mentioned that they moved me into a new office? A nice COOL office?

Something has gone awry. I am so hot today. Either the office has heated up substantially or my body has officially gone into self-heating overdrive.

Interesting pregnancy fact of the day: my entire body can be burning up, except my feet. My feet will be freezing. This is especially true at night. I lay down and realize that I need socks, of all things, because my feet are too cold. The same thing is happening in my office today. I am practically sweating and my feet are cold. I will never understand.

Interesting pregnancy fact of the day #2: Last week at the doctor I had to have my cervix checked, etc. So, they have me change out of my clothes and sit on exam table thing with that giant napkin/towel over me. Well, you know you have to sit on that paper stuff? They let me sit there for what seemed like forever. By the time the doctor came in the paper was. . . stuck. To me. So he's like "just scoot down to the edge" and then turns to write some stuff down. So I try to "scoot" but the paper is tearing and literally stuck to me. It was a mess. So embarassing. So I, ever so ungracefully, I am half scooting while trying to peel that paper off. Surely this has happened to other people. Hopefully? Anyway, after it's all over and he leaves so I can change back into my clothes I take a look at the table. Just a massive disaster has been made of the paper. I'm sure the nurse who came in to clean everything up was thinking "what the heck happened in here?"

Unprepared. Still.

My mood has improved today, thank goodness. I hate days like yesterday--all blue and no idea why.

I made dinner last night for the first time in ages. Beef enchiladas. They were pretty good, if I do say so. Bonus! Lunch is taken care of too. Which will be an upgrade from the Burger King meal I had for lunch yesterday.

Last night's freakout involved going into labor early. No, I did not have anything happen that made me think I was about to have the baby. Instead, for no reason at all I was suddenly concerned that IF labor started immenently my bag for the hospital is not packed and car seat still is not in the car. I know! How long have I been talking about the car seat??

Anyway, I made my list this morning of stuff to put in the bag and am going to get that started tonight, because we all know I don't need MORE things to worry with (what with my mind pulling the crap it did yesterday and worrying about a zillion other things).

Last thing of the day: We are getting evaluated at work. Now, I have been here just over two months. Are they really going to evaluate me? The Coworkers seem to feel that I will get evaluated. . . There's not much that could be said along the lines of greatness. I came into this job from Industry, so I knew pretty much nothing about what I was doing. I feel like all they can say is "well, you still don't know what you're doing, but you're doing it better than you were two months ago. See you later."

Down

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm in a bad mood. Disappointed in a couple of things I guess. No. Disappointed in one little thing that is really just a dumb thing that I should let go. I mean, I realize that it's frivilous enough to not bring it up and argue about it, but that realization doesn't stop it from bothering me.

There are so many things to look forward to right now. And, believe me, I am looking forward to them. But why I am in such a slump this morning? I feel like I need to get things done. The apartment needs to be cleaned, things need to be organized, my car needs to be washed. The oil needs to be changed. I need to be doing more at work than just playing on the internet.

I have cooked dinner approximately four times since we moved. Lots of nights we've eaten with other people, but many nights we've also just eaten leftovers or gone out to eat. Cooking is something I LOVE to do, why haven't I been doing it?

Some days I feel like everything is finally right, back to normal, and life goes on. Other days I feel like I'm just biding my time. Still other days I can't figure out what is going on and wonder whether any of the decisions I've made over the past six years or so have been the right ones.

Why don't I have an appointment with the doctor this week? I'm 36 weeks and I thought I was supposed to be going every week now. I had one last week and he didn't want to schedule another until two weeks. 37 weeks. It's fine, I suppose, but it would just be reassuring to have an appointment tomorrow. I'm so uncomfortable. My wedding ring is sitting on the counter now because it's so snug I'm afraid it'll get stuck on my finger. My back hurts. I have to pee constantly, but when I go I barely "go" at all. I think I have felt a few contractions. Last week he said I was "finger tip" dialated and that was caused by the contractions I was feeling. The only problem is that I didn't feel any contractions before last week. So what I think are contractions this week, well I just can't tell.

A clerk at Wal-Mart decided to compliment my size. I asked her where they keep refrigerator thermometers. She asked me when the baby was due. When I said "One more month" (which, by the way it was on July 5th, so I was pretty excited to be able to say really one more month) she makes this disgusted face and says "You're BIG. I thought you were going to say any day now." I should have slapped her.

I still don't feel like I am the person that I want to be--in so many ways. But how do you just change who you are? How do you become less reserved, less quiet? How do you become more adventurous? Comfort level has something to do with it. In high school I wasn't quiet and reserved around my friends, the people I had been going to school with since Kindergarten. But put me in a new situation at that same age and I blended into the background. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is spent in the background these days. It's easier just blending in, but clearly I'm not enjoying it. I don't like being looked at like the "quiet" one or the "boring" one or whatever. I hate that I am self-conscious about a lot of things and that when I'm not pregnant I still won't do try a lot of new things because I'm too concerned that I'll look wierd, or fat, or stupid doing it. Mostly I hate that all these issues are things that I don't share with anyone. I keep them to myself, for the most part. I'd surely rather you think that I just don't want to jump in the pool than to tell you I don't want people to see me in a swimsuit. No, I'd rather just take pictures of everyone trying to water ski. It's not that I think I can't do it and people will think it's because I'm out of shape or too uncoordinated to figure it out. I'm so glad I'm pregnant this summer, I have a built in excuse for everything that I wouldn't do anyway. And God forbid you mention something about this issue. I won't tell you the truth. My feelings will be hurt, really hurt, and I'll get mad, but I won't get into all of this with you. Instead I'll figure out some other thing that you've done to blame that anger on. Lastly, I cannot stand that this specific issue about myself comes up so regularly and I haven't figured out what to do about it.

Writing all this out did not put me in a better mood. I thought it might, sometimes getting it all out there does. So maybe I can chalk this feeling up to the pregnancy hormones that have made me cry over everything from the roads being under construction to spilling dr. pepper on my shirt.

And The Winner Is. . .

Andrea Unplugged!! Congratulations!! I will be emailing you momentarily.

I can't believe how many of you entered and good luck winning one of the the other Pay It Forward contests. Or head over to Andrea's blog because she should be having a one of her own!

No, I haven't gone shopping for the prize yet, but now I can look forward to that. Yay for waddling through the store! No really, I'm glad I waited until choosing the winner. I can peruse her blog for prize ideas!

re: blonde will fall for anything

Did I ever tell you about the time I thought I was e-mailing Prince William? You know, Prince of Wales.
Yeah.

I read on a blog today about "what is the silliest thing you ever fell for?" Well, that is it. Without a doubt.

In 8th grade I had a friend named Ricky. He had the internet. I did not. In fact, I had never even used the internet at that point in my life, much less e-mail. Somehow Ricky realized that I thought Prince William was cute. Probably I was going on and on about it in some class or another.

So he tells me that he can use his new fangled internet to get Prince William's e-mail address. This was Day One. On Day Two Ricky comes to school and says he did find the e-mail address. I can't remember exactly what the address was, but something like PrinceWilliam@WindsorCastle.com or some nonsense would be my guess.

I wrote a little note to the Prince. On Day Three Ricky came to school and said he had sent my e-mail and he had a reply. My oh my. A reply from the PRINCE! I can't remember what all was in this reply, but the one line I do recall is "I hope someday you can come to England so I can meet you."

Oh, and lest we think that it was some elaborate set-up, meant to look like real e-mail, let me clear that right up. It was not. It was typed and printed out, but clearly was not an actual e-mail. But whatever, I ate it up. I showed people (oh my gosh, actual people) my e-mail from the Prince. I may have even showed a teacher or two. I was so proud. I wrote another little note for Ricky to e-mail.

On Day 4 Ricky had another e-mail from the Prince. I have no idea what this one said. But does it really matter? A SECOND e-mail from the Prince. At some point in the day though, Ricky must have decided he had gotten enough entertainment. You know, he probably could have drug this out for weeks before I caught on. Because at the point I still thought I was e-mailing royalty. But he let me in on it. Finally. Because, well, Ricky wasn't a mean guy. Just a funny one.

To this day I cannot believe I fell for it. I mean, really. I'm not in touch with Ricky anymore, but I hope he thinks back and gets a really good laugh about it someday. I sure did.

Changing Climate & Maternity Leave

(Have you entered the contest yet?? Come on! It's going to be fun!)

Last week I got moved into yet another office. I'm not complaining. My old office was HOT. This office is nice and comfortably cool. The girl who was in here before me was freezing, I was burning up. So switching was the most appropriate thing to do. I imagine when the baby comes and I return to work with a normal metabolism I might be cold, but whatever they make sweaters.

Now that I am in the new office I feel the need to decorate it. Somehow in my other office I kept putting it off and then forgot about it. How this happened I really have no idea. But my new office has white walls (the old office had 70s era paneling!) so it's way more noticeable. Thus far I have bought a cool mousepad, a pencil cup, and fun pushpins. Clearly I'm taking it slow on the decor in here too. But at least it's still on my mind. I spent a great deal of time yesterday looking around thinking about what my options are in here.

Yesterday I turned in my Maternity Leave paperwork. Assuming everything gets approved my last day will be July 31st and I'll be back October 6th. Nine weeks. Am I going to regret not taking all 12 weeks?? Well, too late to continue overthinking it now. I chose Oct. 6 because October was the month that I could get him into the daycare I wanted. And it's the first Monday of the month, which goes well with how my mind works. Best to start at the beginning as someone in Alice in Wonderland said (WHO said that??).